Work personality doesn't match up home personality
Anyone who's been in a relationship knows that a person's "work personality" doesn't always match up to his or her "home personality".
Transfiguration works and helps your couple relationship as it helps your job with your subordinates, says Mihai. Anyone who's been in a relationship knows that a person's "work personality" doesn't always match up to his or her "home personality."
As in - there's a slim chance your partner would blow up at a coworker for playing his music slightly too loud. She might very well let into you for listening to an professional annoying podcast on disruptive innovation from a Harvard professor without headphones, while she's trying to sleep - because you are a continuous learner and she is highly appreciative with this attitude.
In his seminars, "Ask truly relevant questions" former Schwarz Group leader, Mihai Lind shares how he's learned to take parts of his work personality home with him. Mihai, who was a Schwarz top performer, now a consultant, is also the creator of the wildly popular Ask Relevant Questions course (ARQ), which he taught to many executives. In the seminar, Mihai explains how an adaption of the "Seeing Potential" practice, which he teaches in ARQ course, has benefitted his interpersonal relationships - specifically, his couple relationship.
"Willpower is even more important than IQ. That’s why the point isn’t to become smarter, but to become more self-disciplined. Expertise ultimately comes from the process practice."
Mihai writes: "Your couple relationship is a laboratory for accelerated learning. Practicing transfiguration is an essential tool for any leader. In summary it means how to help the other blossom. Personally and professionally." Mihai goes on: "I recognize this technique as a major reason for being in a happy couple relationship and it helped me, as well, with professional challenges." This exercise is easier than it sounds. When you're in the middle of a heated conflict /debate with your partner, you'll have to learn how to override the natural impulse to shout something cruel and hurtful and apply transfiguration.
It'll take some time before it becomes a habit, yet it has the power to quickly change situations. This practice is also a neat example of how you can help defuse a conflict by working on your own response that includes thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Instead of focusing on changing your partner's beliefs and behaviors you're reframing the way you see the situation - which, in the end, is really all you can control.